Ugly Writing

It stinks to be on a roll with your project only, for some reason, to stop and feel like you have come to a horrifying realization.

Everything that is being written is terrible.

This is a miserable struggle I am going through now. I feel the idea of my novel is strong, the timeline/outline feels good, and the characters have a purpose. But there feels like there is something lacking and it is lacking terribly.

It is a haunting insecurity that is affecting the completion of my project. I'm already into third edition of my book, so I would like to have it completed. But I find myself hating my writing so much. It doesn't feel polished enough to the point it hurts to complete a chapter because it is so ugly to look at. And I can't just not look because I am fully aware what I am writing and am aware of how bad it is.

Maybe before I wasn't paying much attention to it. I just wanted to complete my book so I can start the quest for publishing. Not sure if I've put more attention on to the actual writing itself now or not. But something has triggered a reaction from me and made me aware something is off.

It's not so easy to keep writing when the foundation of the book feels so weak and boring. It feels like the writing is so drawn out over nothing. But removing the details no longer feels like my writing style. Yet my current writing style feels ugly and not worth publishing.

What can change? Should something change? I feel the view of personal ugly writing is probably very overwhelming and crippling to a lot, if not most, writers. It is an insecurity that grips the hand tightly and it becomes a struggle to write anything.

I find that I'm not so upset that my writing may be bad now. While the idea does hurt, if it is confirmed I don't find the news that horrible. What is frustrating is being unsure what to do about it. How to get better? Do I just continue writing? Do I ignore the doubt or is it something that should be dealt with now?

There are so many confusing turns. It's painful to move on cause the writing feels to be feeding off bad preceding chapters but going back might earn more set-backs and doubts.

What would you guys do? How would you face this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated to hear and to spread to more around who are going through similar insecurities!

Writer's Weakness

Insecure Writers Support Group: January Edition

As a writer, or as a person in any field in the world, we all have to admit there is something we struggle in or just can't do as well as we would like. There are some who are fabulous with romance, but can't do a thing when it comes to thriller or adventure. There are some who can only write nonfiction and find fiction too much out-there to handle.

I think the first step in any weakness is admitting that you have them. Even if you never want to branch out of the romance genre, just admitting it is difficult for you to do any other genre is a right step rather than simply saying you don't like the other genres (not like this is not acceptable or true). If you can find me a writer that can do every length, age group, and genre and you might have found Jesus who has been watching the world before the next End of the World.

It just, probably (never say never after all), is not possible for one person to not only write them all but write them all good, not great or fantastic, but simply good.

So for the start of the new year, before we all start on our resolutions, let's look at the flaws and struggles we have. Admitting and facing them are huge in terms of overcoming them and making them stronger.

Here are my writer's weakness:

1) Short stories/micros/minis: I really want to get better at this but I seem to struggle with the short stories compared to the long ones. Even with my fan fiction, I do better when I do chapters upon chapters or pages upon pages than a one-shot. My best story-example (one I am most proud of and has some of the most reviews) is 26 chapters and over 400,000 words. That is my comfort zone. To me, writing less is so difficult and those who are able to tell a wonderful and condensed story is just too awesome for me and my brain to handle.

2) Over-detail/Analyzing: This is a weakness I have in talking as well. I struggle just communicating simply and straightforward. I want to explain and elaborate. I tell as story within a story within a story because that is just how my brain works. It can get confusing and way too elaborate and long. Instead of simply saying "he walked to the main door" I might go "he moved up to the entrance to the intimidating mansion, taking note of all the silvery cobwebs that blew in the fall breeze". This isn't bad every so often, but I feel I do it way more than I probably should. Within many writing books, it is key to be simple. I don't always take the simple route when I should.

3) Too Much Character: I think I have a tendency in putting too much on the characters. This isn't too bad if I still balanced it out with the plot and other aspects of writing. But sometimes I think I put too much concentration on the character, their relationship, details, and movement and it takes away from the plot longer than it should. A story will typically work with characters and plot, especially for young adult fantasy. It can't just be dissecting a character or giving each person who enters the scene a in depth background story.

4) Grammar: Yes, I can be hit with the nasty-grammar. It's hard to remember it all! At least this one isn't the biggest issue. Just re-reading, getting a few BETAs, and editors. But it is pretty bad when you're an English major and still struggle with placement of some of the punctuation.

5) Moving On: It is hard to move on from a chapter or a paragraph or even a sentence until I get it right. I seem to put up a mental block that prevents me from writing until everything beforehand is perfect. Even though it is good to try and pull the best from the story, it should not hinder an author from completing the story. And sadly, I can do this to myself. Pulling a cameo from a previous blog-post of mine, I struggle to find the Good Enough at times. How can you ever complete something if you can't move on?

6) Genre-Horror/Mystery/Angst/Emotional: I honestly enjoy horror and mystery in shows and books. I'm fascinated by the paranormal (though it terrifies me) and give me a good mystery book and I'll be happy. But these are very hard genres. With mystery-driven stories you need to really watch what is revealed and how it is. How much the audience can figure out. Twists and turns. Bad guys and epic reveals. Then with horror, it is all about the tension and the pace, making a person's stomach twist and get the perfect reaction. It's hard! I will say I am not big on Angst or Drama focused books. I think that genre should be brought in, but I can't handle sadness so I don't read books that are super emotional or angst-driven (such as teen-drama books about drugs, rape, etc.). I have never tried a purely emotional-angst-driven story before and I'm sure I will ever try simply because I do not want to start bawling.

7) Genre-Nonfiction: This is very hard for me. I don't typically read it, I have yet to go to the Nonfiction section of any bookstore and pick one up. I also find it very hard to write. It feels like it takes a lot of effort and a lot of special talent to be able to write a nonfiction story. However, this is another one I don't think I have made an actual attempt for one.

8) Resisting the Romance: I can't tell you how I always twitch to add some form of Romance in everything I write. And if something doesn't have romance, all I want to do is add it in. But what is weird is that I don't typically enjoy fluffy romance (especially YA or Teen) books.

Well, I know I have a lot more, but these would have to be some of my main ones. Each writer has one or more and it is part of the process to look and accept these weaknesses before either moving on or facing them to better one's talent. It is just another step in being a professional writer, I believe.

What about you all? Got any weaknesses to share?

Finding the Good Enough

Insecure Writer's Support Group--November Edition

Better later than never, right? Just been a hard few weeks so I am a bit behind.

A little bit ago, my teacher for Technical Editing mentioned a good, professional writer can see when something is good enough. And that sounds pretty spot on, in my opinion.

Writers can go through so many editions, rewrites, editing, double-checking, and overall suffering from the lack of perfection. But I don't think a work in process can ever really reach the level of perfection. I'm not sure that level exists for anything in the world. If one was to constantly aim for that they will never be ready to let go of their project.

17, 50, 98 editions and years later and it's still not to the level you want....it's because one hasn't been able to see the 'good enough' and move on. Can anything really ever be perfection? As covered in a previous post, I just don't think it can. An author will just need to know when the project is good enough to submit.

And just because you send it off doesn't mean that it is gone out of twitchy fingers forever. We all know it takes an astronomical amount of luck to get accepted by agents/publishers instantly. You will probably have time to keep learning and to edit a little. But during Spring, I listened to a short-story author speak at the school and he said that there are works that have been published that he could've gone over multiple times, forever perhaps. But he had sent it in and it was published and it was very well received.

OK, I think we can all agree that there needs to be a time where you say "alright, that's good enough" but how on earth do you get to that? If anyone knows an actual answer, please share! I can only assume it is just about training and just pushing the project away.

Perhaps it is just about getting excited or impatient and sending the work in? Though that sounds a bit risky, it does give you a chance to branch out and try to get it read. But if you're rejected, you just started the learning process early and maybe you will be lucky enough to be told what is wrong.

But what if you don't want to send something in before you know that you have reached that good enough? Well, there is the pickle. It could be very personal and whenever you feel that you are ready, however that moment might not hit everyone.

I would say, you probably should rewrite the story more than three or four times and shouldn't re-edit more than MAYBE seven (overall). Once you start reaching those numbers, you might want to step back and start sending them in. In general, if these numbers make you uncomfortable, I would keep it all under the number 10. UNLESS you really do need to completely change up your story, you shouldn't be going overboard like that.

Now is this the right now? More than likely not. This is just my personal opinion.

In truth, I think you must set up a personal limit. Tell yourself you will NOT go over 10, 12, 15 editions or rewrites. Once you reach that number, you will let it go. Maybe you will come back to it, maybe it will be accepted and publishing, or just maybe you need to step back from it for a while and move on to another project.

Now, just to let you know, I am not saying be lazy or not try. Work hard on your project. Give it the love and attention that it deserves. If this is your dream, work hard to make sure that you reach that dream.

Just don't let the haunting thought of perfection control you from ever sending out your work. Just take a deep breath and take the plunge into sending things out once you think you have reached "it's good enough".

Depression & Writing

Insecure Writer's Support Group--October Edition

The new semester started a month ago and it has greatly affected my writing and my life. It was a hard start. For some reason, I just became overwhelmed with all the work that needed to be done and being so close to the end of my BA (next semester, whoot!). I couldn't concentrate and couldn't seem to function positively. I actually felt more inspired to goof off and write rather than study or do any work.

I was crying and stressing out daily. I'm so close to the end! I have a scholarship and am on the Dean's List! How could I possibly be quitting when I'm so close to finishing everything off with such a good note?

Well, after going to discuss this with a counselor and chatting with my parents, it seems I was so overwhelmed (particularly with my language course). I had the idea that I wasn't good enough if I got anything less than an A, lose the scholarship, and not just be perfect on everything. It was just hitting me hard and with six classes, it can get really stressful really fast.

After the talks, and realizing I am, indeed, a perfectionist, I just had to step back and come to a realization that no one is perfect and being perfect does not mean it I become a failure. I was just viewing everything in such a black-&-white way. Getting a C in French would not ruin me for the rest of my life nor would it be a devastating loss to not have the scholarship for my final semester. I couldn't let these little details overwhelm me and have everything else be totally ruined.

Though hard, I had to let it all go. Stop worrying so much over everything. It is still hard today. I am so far behind because I was in a sort of...depressive neutral state for about four of the six weeks of my classes. I have to try and control those feelings, catch up on all the classes, run a club, and try to find some time to write.

But things are better now, at least emotionally and working with a more positive and strong attitude.

Now, I don't want to just sit here and talk about the depression (especially since it concerned more about school than writing). Instead, I would like to talk about how this can help with writing and life.

Simple. As said before, no one is perfect and not being perfect doesn't instantly mean failure. Don't go by the quote "If you're not first, you're last!" (Ricky Bobby, lol). The world isn't made up of all winners and failures.

Don't let the pressure of being the "perfect" writer overwhelm you. Stop fretting over the details. Yes, those details are vital and important, but they are not worth losing everything for. Especially your health and sanity.

Take some time and give yourself a pep-talk. Don't let the one class, one assignment, one chapter, or one character tear everything down. Remember perspective! And always go to someone when you start to lose that perspective. Never be afraid to go to someone for help. You never have to go through any of these things alone.

Don't Compare, Be Inspired

Insecure Writer's Support Group--September Edition

This past week, my good friend and myself started to talk about writing. We're both working hard on our series and trying to get them complete and out into the world. She is quite a bit further than myself and is progressing at a level I wish I could accomplish now.

But, I was surprised when she said she didn't feel like she was doing near enough. This is a girl who is working full-time, about to get started her semester, dealing with crazy family adventures, and life in general. And she STILL has a work in progress that is being written with great care, emotion, and time. Yet she still felt like it was not enough.

She was comparing herself to another author who would lock himself up for weeks and do nothing but write, hours a day, non-stop.

It didn't seem right to me. She is such a talented, incredible writer who is writing on a full-time schedule and she still doesn't feel like it is enough.

Being a writer, new to the field, is very hard to see the greatness you have in your hands. I think most everyone compares themselves to someone else. I know I have! Back to Christopher Paolini--the guy got his story out when he was younger than myself. How can I not compare myself to that? How can I not feel lazy when he got a best-selling, movie inspiring book so young? Or the fact that my friend is so far ahead when we started at around the same time?

You can't do this. It pressures you in a way I don't think is healthy. You're comparing yourself to someone different, with a different life, from a different time and it is not fair to you or your work.

If you have a life outside of writing, don't sacrifice it (job, family, health, school, etc.). By doing that you will probably hurt yourself and, in turn, your writing.

If you feel too pressured you're going to rush, you're going to lose your writing style, and you will add even more time to your schedule because you will have to go back and rewrite AGAIN.

You need to be who you are as you write. You also need to be fair to yourself. Not everyone works the exact same. Some work great on a tight schedule and under pressure. Some don't. Some are able to get hours in of writing during a full life-schedule and some can only get in thirty minutes. Some authors had nothing to do but write and the majority of people today have everything to do except write.

Don't let your confidence be shaken in who you are as a writer because others write more. Instead, you need to be inspired from their accomplishments. That author get published younger than you? Take it as a healthy challenge to get just a bit more time set aside for writing.

There is a difference between feeling pressured by comparing yourself to an author and being inspired by them. I need to stop thinking I'm not a hard-worker because I am not finished with my first book. My friend needs to stop thinking she isn't one because she doesn't lock herself up to write. And others need to stop thinking that they are less of a writer if they don't get something accomplished by a certain time.

We all have our own personal beat. Don't try to copy someone else's if it really doesn't work for you.

Another little advice to go with this: Don't be afraid to go to someone on occasion to get an ego-boost! You certainly don't want to make a habit of it, because as writers we need critiques to progress and evolve. However, it is because we are writers that we need to get some compliments about something that we are doing.

Writing is a difficult task, even if you're doing it just for fun. This is something that takes hard-work and  a lot of emotion. It is very easy to get lost and down because of how long it is taking to write something to the fact the work is getting rejected. Go to a friend, family, or fellow writer and ask if they can just tell you the good things about your work for that day.

Sometimes, the critiques and things that need to change or what we need to do to get better overwhelms us and overshadows what we're doing great on. So go out there and take in some positive feedback. You deserve it.

How to Write...

...when you simply don't want to.

 

Cause man, there are times I just DON’T want to write. I don’t mean a writer’s block, there are ideas there…but no drive to write them down. And it’s not just about my novel. I just feel lazy to do useful stuff. I won’t go and read and review blogs, write my fanfiction, write updates for my own blog, etc.

There is just simply a sense of laziness where I just feel like I don’t even want to pick up a pencil. The things on TV or YouTube just sound so much more intriguing. Even things that would typically inspire me to write just don’t shine like they would typically.

It’s like a whiny pre-teen saying “the world doesn’t want me to!”. Thank goodness, I realized instantly it was my own fault, but even that didn’t get me to writing anything.

So what to do when there is no drive to attempt to do any writing?

In truth, I’m not a 100% sure myself.

This round, I had to just let it pass on its own. Forcing myself to get into a writing mood, to think of a new post for the blog, even going and reading & reviewing….it didn’t work out. It certainly made me feel pretty bad about not doing anything, but even that didn’t move me enough.

It just had to happen when it was meant to happen.

But first a question; is it a real bad thing to not want to write?

At first, I would say “OMG YES” because it is emotionally taxing to not do your passion. I feel like I am missing out on opportunities. Deadlines and goals I had made for myself are slipping away. I’m being far too lazy for it to be beneficial.

However, there is another side to this.

Let’s look at it from a physical stance. Anyone who works out and does sports probably knows you gotta have at least one day of rest so you don’t damage your body. And your body can give you signs that it needs to stop. Perhaps this was my mind telling me it needed a break.

After all, you can’t look at the same thing every day and catch something new. A break just might be needed to find the things you were missing.

After this “lazy break”, I am finding new sides to my story, finding awkward things I had missed over, inspired to write about it in this post…and it is possible all of this is coming through because of stopping.

But, I will be the first to admit I don’t think I went about it the best way. I think I went a few weeks without any type of progression with my writing. If it was a Writer’s Block, yes it would stink, but it would feel more like I was sick. This, as a mentioned before, feels like I was just lazy and didn’t even try to become inspired.

Taking a break is one thing. Letting it work itself out isn’t that bad either. But I’m not sure if I made enough of an attempt to get over this lazy hump. I was simply too lazy to try.

So, in simple terms I always think it never hurts to try…even when you really don’t want too. Even just a sentence or two that you might scrap later, it is still something you did and tried for. If that is all you can manage that one day, well, you had a good shot!

I think it should be done, not because I am anti-lazy or having a pity-fest about my lack of writing, but because you never know what will be the thing to re-ignite the writing spark.

I’ll leave off with a quote from Writer’s Digest;

“One thing that helps is to give myself permission to write badly. I tell myself that I’m going to do my five or ten pages no matter what, and that I can always tear them up the following morning if I want. I’ll have lost nothing—writing and tearing up five pages would leave me no further behind than if I took the day off.” -- Lawrence Block (June 1981)

Always try. I don’t think there is ever a loss to trying, but there can be great loss in not.