Ugly Writing

It stinks to be on a roll with your project only, for some reason, to stop and feel like you have come to a horrifying realization.

Everything that is being written is terrible.

This is a miserable struggle I am going through now. I feel the idea of my novel is strong, the timeline/outline feels good, and the characters have a purpose. But there feels like there is something lacking and it is lacking terribly.

It is a haunting insecurity that is affecting the completion of my project. I'm already into third edition of my book, so I would like to have it completed. But I find myself hating my writing so much. It doesn't feel polished enough to the point it hurts to complete a chapter because it is so ugly to look at. And I can't just not look because I am fully aware what I am writing and am aware of how bad it is.

Maybe before I wasn't paying much attention to it. I just wanted to complete my book so I can start the quest for publishing. Not sure if I've put more attention on to the actual writing itself now or not. But something has triggered a reaction from me and made me aware something is off.

It's not so easy to keep writing when the foundation of the book feels so weak and boring. It feels like the writing is so drawn out over nothing. But removing the details no longer feels like my writing style. Yet my current writing style feels ugly and not worth publishing.

What can change? Should something change? I feel the view of personal ugly writing is probably very overwhelming and crippling to a lot, if not most, writers. It is an insecurity that grips the hand tightly and it becomes a struggle to write anything.

I find that I'm not so upset that my writing may be bad now. While the idea does hurt, if it is confirmed I don't find the news that horrible. What is frustrating is being unsure what to do about it. How to get better? Do I just continue writing? Do I ignore the doubt or is it something that should be dealt with now?

There are so many confusing turns. It's painful to move on cause the writing feels to be feeding off bad preceding chapters but going back might earn more set-backs and doubts.

What would you guys do? How would you face this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated to hear and to spread to more around who are going through similar insecurities!

Can't Doesn't Mean Failure

In a previous post, it was discussed about always trying despite fear of failing. But this shouldn't be taken to always try in all matters before you are ready. Just because you're unable to even try and run that whole mile doesn't mean that you have failed. You just now have a goal to inspire to. Don't look at what you can't do and look at what you're going to accomplish.

"I'm not ready to ask him out," "I couldn't even do one push up," "A university might not be for me yet,"--none of this means you will never be able to or you are a failure. You're not a coward for not being ready to make a romantic move. You're not a loser because you can't accomplish something new instantly. And just because a challenge is in your face that looks too intimidating doesn't mean you can never face it.

 So many things in life take time to get use to. Baby steps can be a necessity for success. No one should be so disappointed with themselves because they tried but couldn't. And just because you "can't" doesn't mean that you "can't" forever. Either keep trying or move on to something else till you are ready to try again.

And all of this can be the same for writing. Your first edition doesn't meet your expectations? You got rejected? Been about a month since you last wrote on your project? Don't let it hurt you! Just keep trying and don't let the "can't" keep you stuck at where you are.

If it is worth it to you, all your attempts won't fail you. Like in the last post, the failures are steps to mature and learn. You become stronger and better by learning from what you couldn't do a year ago. Don't let it hurt you, let it harden you and try even harder for the next time.

Need some more inspiration? Take a minute to check out these famous failures and realize that you can always amount to anything no matter what happens.