Friday, December 21, 2012

The Horror Semester

Has finally come to the end.

This Fall semester has been a battle. It's affected how I write, think, feel, and act. From the start of the whole semester, my positive energy has drained and I would cry at least once a week. Little pieces of bad luck just kept piling on one another, snow-balling me with one wave after another. Classes that should be fun and easy were facing a terrible negative mental block. Despite working out daily and eating right I gained weight. Little fun things like running a club was stressing me out. Even if I worked on assignments early I could never seem to get them done or get an acceptable grade (and for me a B is borderline on unacceptable). I was getting Cs, Ds, and Fs no matter how hard I tried. All I wanted to do was write but when I tried to write I would feel guilty about doing this over all the needed academic work that needed to be done (especially when I was struggling so bad). Working on my novel, the blog, or even just reviewing other blogs was out of the question. And even if I made an attempt the negatives took the joy away. I had made a goal to do the NANO but couldn't even get 500 words in.

Goals fell apart. I lost a scholarship and the Dean's List. For the first time about three or four years I made more Cs and Bs than As. It was so hard to smile any more and I hated school and all my classes, despite some great teachers.

So in simple terms, I got depressed and a horrible case of senioritist.

But, even though this semester beat me down and turned me more negative than I ever would want to be, I won't let it get me down. It is time to let the horror semester go and fall back into the wave of positive thoughts and looking forward to the future.

I'm going to apply to publishing internships up in New York. I'm getting a mentorship with an awesome professor I had this past semester. I will start getting certificates for teaching both high school and workouts. Start studying for GED and send out applications to grad-school. Finally get my driver's license. And the big thing is I will be graduating in May.

I don't like simply venting about myself on this blog. It doesn't feel like I am using this to its full potential. If I am going to complain, I should share something else about it.

Just give life the opportunity to get better. Work hard with it to make it change for the better. It takes time and it is a challenge. Facing constant bad things for a while can tear down anyone. And when you can't seem to vent it out or defend yourself against it, sometimes you just need to learn from it. Humans are resilient and when facing adversity or hardship, we can start to learn from it and gain strength.

Whenever you are facing a horribly rough patch in your life, just try to hold on to some form of hope or faith or strength that things can get better. Just keep trying and moving forward. Take in the positives that you can find and use it to give you more power to keep going on.


To all the Sandy Hook victims and families. What you are going through is something no one should ever face. You all are in our thoughts and prayers and motivations to do more for the world than we have ever done before. We are more understanding and more grateful for what we have and what we face. May comfort and happiness find you all again soon.


  1. For some reason it always happens like that, one bad thing starts a snowball of negativity and by the time it all settles down, you feel like you were caught under an avalanche and can't find your way out of the sh**. The good news is, things will get better and with the right attitude--and I think you have that--it'll all look like a bad dream very soon.

    Things like the Sandy Hook horror always give us perspective of where the truly important lies and in comparison, our problems look so stupid... It has been a hard thing to watch on the news--we live very close to the area and my kids are the same age as the victims--but I'm hugging my kids closer these days and spending more time this season with them and less with the computer.

    Have faith in yourself and your ability to recover from hardship. Things will get better and a new day will shine brighter for all. Best of luck next year and may it bring many blessings to you and yours.

  2. Paige,

    Over the course of our time together you have become such a strong young woman. I liken both of us to members of the Wizard of Oz. I feel like I need a heart because I can be so cold. I feel you are the lion because you were so afraid, but somewhere along the line you earned your courage (it wasn't just handed to amazingly fought for it and deserve it all on your own) and I commend you for the person you have become. It has been such a pleasure to watch you learn and grow and I look forward to continue being in your life to watch you grow even more.

    You are strong, you are brave, you are a beacon of light in otherwise dark situations. I'm just so proud of you, I hope that means something. Keep on doing what you're doing. I know that all of the hard work--and the hardships--will be worth it in the end. You've got this's time for you to start believing that.

    All my love,