The Liebster Award

Thank you Andrea Teagan of The Enchanted Writer for this amazing honor. It means a lot and has come as a huge surprise. It means a lot for you to give me something like this.

“Rules” For the Award:
1) Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog
2) Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you
3) Copy and paste the blog award on your blog
4) Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 blogs of 200 followers or less
5) Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog

Randi Lee: Her blog The Emotional Process of Writing a Novel. She is the whole reason I am here and has been such a big support for me. Her pushing and encouraging words have always been an inspiration. I swear I cannot give her enough credit, awards, or thanks for all she has done. Her blog is also amazing and is the for-sure place for anyone to go and get some writing advice.

Jennifer: And her blog A Creative Exercise. I am just recently starting looking through blogs and finding others like me. She has a great blog with a fun style, embracing and discussing insecurities, has strong goals, and personal words. There is some pretty gosh-darn good writing there. I might be a newbie to her blog, but already I can tell she deserves this award.

Von L Cid: And his blog The Growing Writer. Another blog I am starting in. Another who appears who have started blogging very recently. The posts have great inspiration, he enjoys taking part in projects, and has a web book! Definitely another one meant for this award.

Gina: And her blog Diary of a Writer in Progress. With a title like that, how can you not be interested? She has a horror-novella out called Perpetual Night that is getting wonderful reviews and she appears to like supernatural (calling out to my interested, yet cowardly side) and has some great links and reviews of books. She is so close to the 200-follower mark, I just had to give her this award before then! It is more than obvious she deserves it.

Sunny Smith: And her blog A Splash of Ink. Really, so many of you have such great titles for blogs it’s impossible not to be drawn in just to see what is going on! She has some great posts

Katharina Brendel: and her My Writing Journey. Ms. Brendel, you gave me blog-envy. Beautiful and amazing on the blog itself and what is written. You my good sir…ma’am will be providing me a lot of enjoyable reads in the near future, that I am certain of. Thank you for following me and for your great words of encouragement. It is a great honor!

I also have to thank the new group I just joined: The Insecure Writer Support Group. It is because of this I have been able to find more people who share my likes and doubts. And more people to follow and get a lot of very needed advice. A highly recommended place for anyone on the path of writing.

Andrea Teagan, thank you again so, so much for this award. It means so much to me. And thank you Insecure Writer Support Group for introducing me to so many other amazing writers and bloggers.

(P.S: If I somehow mess up your name or gender, PLEASE forgive me. Me and technology/websites do not always get along. Typically I need to be holding Randi's hand to find my way through places like this. Look what I did all by myself Randi!! :D )

My Writer's Identity

After reading my friend’s, Randi Lee, post about insecurity, it really made me aware of myself and bring into light a denial I just haven’t faced.

I don’t really know who I am in this writing world.

I know what genre I like, I’m pretty sure I know my strong points when it concerns writing, I’m also sure where I struggle at. But when it comes down to the writing world, I’m lost.

I wanted to write a blog about writing to help promote my writing, meet new people, get advice, and perhaps give out advice in return. However, I find that I am looking far too much at what everyone else is doing to influence my own.

Instead of being inspired, I think I am conforming and hiding behind a mask of what people think is cool to fit into a clique. It’s like I’m treating this like it is high school or something. Which makes it all the more concerning because I didn’t act like this during the awkward teenage years.

This might be happening for a few reasons. One is I think all of this means just so much to me. Writing, stepping outside of my comfort zone, getting published, and meeting people who are not only interested in writing itself but my writing as well.

Sad thing is, if I keep doing what I am doing I will be defeating that purpose. No one will be hearing my real voice. It would just be me following after the words of others and trying to reach their fame rather than start my own way.

Inspiration is one thing, changing yourself to win the affection and attention of others is something else entirely. And I feel if I am not there yet I am on the path. I am worrying about the wrong stuff on the site.

Another thing is, which brings back to why this was inspired by Randi’s post, is that I have always been a very insecure person. For the majority of my life I have been the second or in the background. Never really had friends, when I made friends I was there mostly for backup, blended into the background and acknowledged when something was needed.

Now, this isn’t said for pity. I have a few great friends now who are really supporting and see me. It’s more of an explanation on why I might be using this writing blog for a very wrong reason.

Of course, this isn’t to say that the words I have said below are fake and shallow. I do mean what I say actually. Rather it’s how I came about writing some of them, or how I will study what other’s say for my own profit of “fame” rather than absorbing their advice in. Instead of reading the impressive words of some blogger I might look at how they write their bio or how they have their blog set up. I wonder about petty things; is mine not as impressive looking? Does my bio turn people off? Should I make things look more like them? Maybe I should work on how I say things.

But does all of this stuff really matter? Does it even matter to have an “identity” here? Why do I feel like I have to be somebody to write out things I want to write?  Why do I try to be Randi Lee when she is Randi Lee and I am Paige Lollie?

So, perhaps this blog isn’t just about writing and sharing advice and everything I mentioned before. Right now it seems more like an exploration of who I am as a blogger, a writer, and a person.

This blog isn’t about deadlines, it’s not about getting ratings or followers, and it’s not about just spewing out whatever “emotional” nonsense I can find in my mind simply because it sounds like something someone else would read because it is something sorta similar to what someone impressive said.

So this has to stop. I gotta write honestly and be honest. I can’t hide behind someone else’s words. I don’t think it works to create an identity for yourself. That makes it sound like I’m one of those stereotypical creepers on a dating site that parodies are made for (the ‘is this picture of you from this universe?’ thing).

It’s about finding your identify. Which honestly, I think I have a long way to go for. But at least now I’m on the right path. Now I can start writing more about what I feel like writing rather than worry about how it will sound or if it will be super useful.

Though there aren’t many reading my stuff now (which came off sounding a little emo) I am coming out to tell you more about myself and be warned; I’m nerdy (look out for quotes), I apologize and worry a lot (Randi can support this fact lol), I go from sounding like a pre-teen to a forty year old in a blink, and I tend to be a bit overly descriptive and poetic in my words (Meyer got nothing on me and my adjectives).

Hello, my name is Paige Lollie. This blog is who I am. Please to meet you.